The death of me...

...giving life to 4 children. They are the death of pride, privacy. They were the death of creativity for years; and of freedom.

Then, there's the other side of the coin. While they often kill intimacy, they sometimes create it at another level. They sometimes create a unique freedom, because they provide excuses for many things. They force you to be places and do things you otherwise wouldn't; they stretch their parents to the point that they are reshaped, and i don't just mean the flabby mom-belly.

They are the source of constant entertainment and annoyance. Children provide a horrifyingly real mirror that can be most instructive. Their comments can injure like no others, and they can validate as deeply. They reign in the tendencies of the wild and weak, and bring down the empires of kings.

They also give you something to think about, write about, dream about. A frightening but inspirational lot, children. They are the death of the old me; the person I was before. While I gave life to them, mine was being remade. It hurts, no lie. It can hurt a lot. It also inspires and motivates. I realize that now that if I don't follow my dreams, and use my gifts, I can't expect them to use theirs; for themselves, or for me; for the Lord or for anyone. Being all I was made to be is the best way to ensure they will fulfill this one treasured hope i have for them: that they will shine like stars where they are gifted, and appreciate and know the Giver of all good gifts. So, my giftedness still intact, and probably better after years of change, I now venture out against my fears; success, failure. Mostly success. Failure is an everyday occurrence; success, not so much. Or maybe not as easily acknowledged? Either way, scary. I need to shine. It's what my name means!
Anyway, as they slowly mature, I mature. We die, and are remade; we pour ourselves into them, and they are poured into us. And then, one day, it's just time for the next thing. Crawl, walk, run, fly from the nest, play in traffic.

Come alive; live the dream.